Question:
I was dxed in Oct 2003. It's been over 2 months. I'm still trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do. Yes, I know find foods that don't spike my bg, eat lower carb foods, or foods with a low GI. I still don't get it with the low carb vs. low GI. It's been hard for me, but I think harder for my spouse. Ever since I've been dxed, we have had arguments probably every week or every other week. My spouse feels guilty that when we go to restaurants that we go to every week (some have a smaller variety of dishes to choose from since dxed), that I hardly eat. i.e. vietnamese pho noodle soup. Since it's rice noodles, I will eat a little, but I won't eat all the noodles now, and it seems like I'm not eating enough. Or now at home, my spouse doesn't want to cook for fear of being responsible for my bg reading. I tested my spouse the other day, after drinking a sweet fruit drink: 4.7. Our relationship has changed, and I don't know what to say. I see the dietician in January, and I tell my spouse to maybe wait until then, so that hopefully I'll have a better idea of what to be looking for in foods. It's been hard enough having an egg allergy and living with avoiding foods with eggs, and having my spouse adapt to that, but I think diabetes is really taking a toll. Also, I think that my spouse is afraid if I end up in the hospital, or if I can't take care of myself. I can't promise that I won't end up in the hospital, I don't even know that with adequate bg control that problems still won't pop up???? Just this weekend, my spouse developed a cold. Well I also started sneezing and feeling muscle aches. That produced a fight, b/c my spouse is afraid and feels responsible for giving me the cold. Also, in the beginning, my spouse felt like "I" was glad that I got diabetes, that now I have something to "focus" on. And even with the cold, my spouse feels like I wanted to have a cold to, so that I would stay in the spot light. I know, this probably sounds pretty petty to you all, but I honestly don't know what to say or do??? This diabetes has come between us, but I know eventually we'll find some common ground. I'm cooking a mixture of white and brown rice (basically to use it up) for my spouse (I'll even eat a tiny bit). Since I haven't had all the carbs, and I've done the cooking, I've left my spouse "starving". So that's why I'm cooking rice. Just rambling, but need to get this out. Trinity
Answers:
Maybe you will feel better after hearing my story and I just turned 64, I travel, eat out, go on cruises and life is good now. After getting down to 120 lbs in 1971 I went on "sick call" at Andrews AFB,MD They diagnosed me with T-1 diabetes that day. I had never heard of diabetes or knew anyone that had it. They put me in the hospital and I had a severe hypo the first night. After a long fight about whether to take severance pay or the minimum retirement after almost 13 years service. I had just made E-6. Since the Air Force was going to get a big pay raise Jan 1, 1972 they decided to retire me on Dec 21. I started back to SC where I had been stationed with a wife and two small kids in a station wagon. They didn't have meters back then just told you not to eat anything with sugar in it. I forgot to mention that my wife had to have a back operation while were stationed there 1-1/2 years. (I was diagnosed in July) In the Johnny Cash song, life is tough for a boy named Sue. The same logic applies to diabetes but you will make it, I have confidence in you! This newsgroup is a great place for good advice and the young people are better at speaking your language. We have had our share of arguments, but she just brought me a rum and diet so we apparently got over them ! Charlie in SC "Trinity" <trinitytype2spambegone~nowherehere.net wrote in message news:112Ib.3640$Vl6.947419~news20.bellglobal.com... I was dxed in Oct 2003. It's been over 2 months. I'm still trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do. Yes, I know find foods that don't spike my bg, eat lower carb foods, or foods with a low GI. I still don't get it with the low carb vs. low GI. It's been hard for me, but I think harder for my spouse. Ever since I've been dxed, we have had arguments probably every week or every other week. My spouse feels guilty that when we go to restaurants that we go to every week (some have a smaller variety of dishes to choose from since dxed), that I hardly eat. i.e. vietnamese pho noodle soup. Since it's rice noodles, I will eat a little, but I won't eat all the noodles now, and it seems like I'm not eating enough. Or now at home, my spouse doesn't want to cook for fear of being responsible for my bg reading. I tested my spouse the other day, after drinking a sweet fruit drink: 4.7. Our relationship has changed, and I don't know what to say. I see the dietician in January, and I tell my spouse to maybe wait until then, so that hopefully I'll have a better idea of what to be looking for in foods. It's been hard enough having an egg allergy and living with avoiding foods with eggs, and having my spouse adapt to that, but I think diabetes is really taking a toll. Also, I think that my spouse is afraid if I end up in the hospital, or if I can't take care of myself. I can't promise that I won't end up in the hospital, I don't even know that with adequate bg control that problems still won't pop up???? Just this weekend, my spouse developed a cold. Well I also started sneezing and feeling muscle aches. That produced a fight, b/c my spouse is afraid and feels responsible for giving me the cold. Also, in the beginning, my spouse felt like "I" was glad that I got diabetes, that now I have something to "focus" on. And even with the cold, my spouse feels like I wanted to have a cold to, so that I would stay in the spot light. I know, this probably sounds pretty petty to you all, but I honestly don't know what to say or do??? This diabetes has come between us, but I know eventually we'll find some common ground. I'm cooking a mixture of white and brown rice (basically to use it up) for my spouse (I'll even eat a tiny bit). Since I haven't had all the carbs, and I've done the cooking, I've left my spouse "starving". So that's why I'm cooking rice. Just rambling, but need to get this out. Trinity
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I'm allergic to eggs also (albumen) and my wife is a celiac. French Toast All Around! hee-hee. Sorry. I'm sorry to hear about this, it always seems to me that some guys can't wrap their heads around something they can't fix, or something that is "lifetime". However I would like to mention that it is still "early days". Heck I was dxed in June and I still feel that it was just yesterday. I don't think my wife and I are done talking about it. But we have talked about the fact that it's possible, no IT IS a reality that without this dx I'd be dead sooner. Maybe you could get him to visit us sometime. Or ask him what his biggest fear really is, post it and see what answers pop up. I'll be happy to tell him that you'll probably live longer under control. See, just like a guy, always with the solution. -- t2_lurking geabbottATabbottandabbottDOTcom Do not mail to t2_lurking (auto-delete) ============================ Well, i dreamed i saw the silver Space ships flying In the yellow haze of the sun -- Neil Young -- ==================== New to Diabetes? Go to: http://www.alt-support-diabetes.org/Newly%20Diagnosed.htm ==================================================== "Trinity" <trinitytype2spambegone~nowherehere.net wrote in message news:112Ib.3640$Vl6.947419~news20.bellglobal.com... I was dxed in Oct 2003. It's been over 2 months. I'm still trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do. Yes, I know find foods that don't spike my bg, eat lower carb foods, or foods with a low GI. I still don't get it with the low carb vs. low GI. It's been hard for me, but I think harder for my spouse. Ever since I've been dxed, we have had arguments probably every week or every other week. My spouse feels guilty that when we go to restaurants that we go to every week (some have a smaller variety of dishes to choose from since dxed), that I hardly eat. i.e. vietnamese pho noodle soup. Since it's rice noodles, I will eat a little, but I won't eat all the noodles now, and it seems like I'm not eating enough. Or now at home, my spouse doesn't want to cook for fear of being responsible for my bg reading. I tested my spouse the other day, after drinking a sweet fruit drink: 4.7. Our relationship has changed, and I don't know what to say. I see the dietician in January, and I tell my spouse to maybe wait until then, so that hopefully I'll have a better idea of what to be looking for in foods. It's been hard enough having an egg allergy and living with avoiding foods with eggs, and having my spouse adapt to that, but I think diabetes is really taking a toll. Also, I think that my spouse is afraid if I end up in the hospital, or if I can't take care of myself. I can't promise that I won't end up in the hospital, I don't even know that with adequate bg control that problems still won't pop up???? Just this weekend, my spouse developed a cold. Well I also started sneezing and feeling muscle aches. That produced a fight, b/c my spouse is afraid and feels responsible for giving me the cold. Also, in the beginning, my spouse felt like "I" was glad that I got diabetes, that now I have something to "focus" on. And even with the cold, my spouse feels like I wanted to have a cold to, so that I would stay in the spot light. I know, this probably sounds pretty petty to you all, but I honestly don't know what to say or do??? This diabetes has come between us, but I know eventually we'll find some common ground. I'm cooking a mixture of white and brown rice (basically to use it up) for my spouse (I'll even eat a tiny bit). Since I haven't had all the carbs, and I've done the cooking, I've left my spouse "starving". So that's why I'm cooking rice. Just rambling, but need to get this out. Trinity
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Trinity, I can't say I understand what you are going through but I do know i've had my fair share of fights with my hubby being diabetic as well. Many of mine were because I was high, when I get too high I become very .. um shall we say argumenative and mean? :-) Before I was diagnosed for the 3months prior - we faught almost every day. to the point of throwing objects at each other, yes, I instigated alot of it. I would fly off the handle if the TV program wasn't loud enough or he turned to the wrong channel. today.. we don't have these problems, it took time, alot longer then 2months.. that's for darn sure, about the last 6 months or so it's back good again. relationships take a beating.. but if you love someone they'll travel the hurdle with you. we go out to eat.. my hubby knows it's my responsibility to eat what i can. he will ask me, "wanna go here? can you eat whats on their menu?" if i say , no then we don't go.. we pick someplace else. he cooks dinner.. he'll ask me if i can have whatever... if no, he makes me what i can have. it's a give and take... I know it's hard and you get swollowed up in talking about it because it's something you need to get out of your system. but yack here, bitch here, do whatever here.. try to refrain from talking about it at home for a bit. LOL then when he asks why you aren't talking about it.. simply tell him.. "well it's not center of my life". -- RK - t1 In tribute to the United States of America and the State of Israel, two bastions of strength in a world filled with strife and terrorism. "Trinity" <trinitytype2spambegone~nowherehere.net wrote in message news:112Ib.3640$Vl6.947419~news20.bellglobal.com... I was dxed in Oct 2003. It's been over 2 months. I'm still trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do. Yes, I know find foods that don't spike my bg, eat lower carb foods, or foods with a low GI. I still don't get it with the low carb vs. low GI. It's been hard for me, but I think harder for my spouse. Ever since I've been dxed, we have had arguments probably every week or every other week. My spouse feels guilty that when we go to restaurants that we go to every week (some have a smaller variety of dishes to choose from since dxed), that I hardly eat. i.e. vietnamese pho noodle soup. Since it's rice noodles, I will eat a little, but I won't eat all the noodles now, and it seems like I'm not eating enough. Or now at home, my spouse doesn't want to cook for fear of being responsible for my bg reading. I tested my spouse the other day, after drinking a sweet fruit drink: 4.7. Our relationship has changed, and I don't know what to say. I see the dietician in January, and I tell my spouse to maybe wait until then, so that hopefully I'll have a better idea of what to be looking for in foods. It's been hard enough having an egg allergy and living with avoiding foods with eggs, and having my spouse adapt to that, but I think diabetes is really taking a toll. Also, I think that my spouse is afraid if I end up in the hospital, or if I can't take care of myself. I can't promise that I won't end up in the hospital, I don't even know that with adequate bg control that problems still won't pop up???? Just this weekend, my spouse developed a cold. Well I also started sneezing and feeling muscle aches. That produced a fight, b/c my spouse is afraid and feels responsible for giving me the cold. Also, in the beginning, my spouse felt like "I" was glad that I got diabetes, that now I have something to "focus" on. And even with the cold, my spouse feels like I wanted to have a cold to, so that I would stay in the spot light. I know, this probably sounds pretty petty to you all, but I honestly don't know what to say or do??? This diabetes has come between us, but I know eventually we'll find some common ground. I'm cooking a mixture of white and brown rice (basically to use it up) for my spouse (I'll even eat a tiny bit). Since I haven't had all the carbs, and I've done the cooking, I've left my spouse "starving". So that's why I'm cooking rice. Just rambling, but need to get this out. Trinity
Answers:
On Mon, 29 Dec 2003 17:37:34 -0500, Trinity <trinitytype2spambegone~nowherehere.net wrote: I was dxed in Oct 2003. It's been over 2 months. I'm still trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do. Yes, I know find foods that don't spike my bg, eat lower carb foods, or foods with a low GI. I still don't get it with the low carb vs. low GI. Cannot offer help there, its taken me nearly all year just to get a handle on the carb issues. You might try following one path for a while to see what 'best result' you can get then adjust or change tack later when you have gained a better understanding. It's been hard for me, but I think harder for my spouse. Ever since I've been dxed, we have had arguments probably every week or every other week. My spouse feels guilty that when we go to restaurants that we go to every week (some have a smaller variety of dishes to choose from since dxed), that I hardly eat. i.e. vietnamese pho noodle soup. Since it's rice noodles, I will eat a little, but I won't eat all the noodles now, and it seems like I'm not eating enough. Don't go to a restraunt that either only serves food which you want to avoid without alternatives or which, does not offer 'custom' alternatives. I went to an Italian Restraunt last night and though it took me longer to order, I got a decent diabetic type meal out of it. And it was cheaper!!! They were very helpfull indeed and even made up a 'special salad bowl' for me. Or now at home, my spouse doesn't want to cook for fear of being responsible for my bg reading. I tested my spouse the other day, after drinking a sweet fruit drink: 4.7. My wife used to get very frustrated with meals but that was only because she was running out of ideas. No problem now. Our relationship has changed, and I don't know what to say. I see the dietician in January, and I tell my spouse to maybe wait until then, so that hopefully I'll have a better idea of what to be looking for in foods. It's been hard enough having an egg allergy and living with avoiding foods with eggs, and having my spouse adapt to that, but I think diabetes is really taking a toll. The whole diabetes thing can be a strain on both of you especially in the begining when your knowledge base [both of you] is still fairly sparse. With knowlege and a better understanding comes a slightly more chilled attitude. Also, I think that my spouse is afraid if I end up in the hospital, or if I can't take care of myself. I can't promise that I won't end up in the hospital, I don't even know that with adequate bg control that problems still won't pop up???? Just this weekend, my spouse developed a cold. Well I also started sneezing and feeling muscle aches. That produced a fight, b/c my spouse is afraid and feels responsible for giving me the cold. Fear is the root of many problems - unspoken fears for your relationship and health. All these worries play on your mind in those private times when you keep your own council. Again, knowledge and sharing will help dispel these fears. Also, in the beginning, my spouse felt like "I" was glad that I got diabetes, that now I have something to "focus" on. And even with the cold, my spouse feels like I wanted to have a cold to, so that I would stay in the spot light. I think there is an issue of misinterpretation here. You [both] need to focus on learning how to live a slightly adjusted life and this is not easy in the begining so of course you will become preoccupied with yourself and focussed on how to deal with this. It may help you to learn that this is a common thing with all of us. I have been through pretty much the same thing. My doctor accused me of becomming 'obsessive' and slightly 'paranoid'. Well he was of course right. I was. But not now. Now I have a better understanding of myself and how I can deal with this thing. Being obsessive and paranoid helped me gain control and achieve in 9 months what others either fail to do or cannot because of lack of application. You need to be slightly obsessive IMO in order to apply the self discipline needed. But again......with time, experience and knowledge you will find the need to be so focussed not lessened but rather easier to apply as a constant back ground activity istead of being more overt about it. Knowledge and discipline. I know, this probably sounds pretty petty to you all, but I honestly don't know what to say or do??? This diabetes has come between us, but I know eventually we'll find some common ground. I'm cooking a mixture of white and brown rice (basically to use it up) for my spouse (I'll even eat a tiny bit). Since I haven't had all the carbs, and I've done the cooking, I've left my spouse "starving". So that's why I'm cooking rice. Just rambling, but need to get this out. Trinity You ramble away........we don't mind and you'd be surprised to know that many of us here know exactly what you are rambling on about because we have been through the same experience. I have. I am lucky though, my wife has not only made her mission in life to 'sort me out' [as always - she keeps me under tight control <VBG] but has also adopted a similar diet - it was easier than doing two different types of meal. I am lucky that she is a whizz in the cooking and food prep department. Now she has lost weight, and feels better than before [she suffers angina and arthritis] so together we have found a way to go on just about the same as before but healthier. To ease the load on my wife in the begining, I constructed a diet meal by meal for each day and I stuck to it. I have exactly the same thing for breakfast and lunch almost every day with the main meal in the evening which is the only one she has to worry about. But we eat a lot of veg and salads and white meat/ fish so it really isn't that taxing at all. Boring a bit perhaps but I am not food orientated so it don't bother me. I don't really care so long as I don't feel hungry - and I never have. Try not to get too depressed over this, it will pass I am sure. HTH Pete Diagnosed 20/03/03 Type II D&E + Metformin + Gliclazide + Asprin 210lbs at Dx to BMI 166lbs achieved. To mail: aspen at freeuk.com
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Trinity Diabetes is a family disease, it affects everyone living in the house. As a child I was raised on a high sugar diet and then I married a T1 diabetic ...... I eventually learned that I didn't need dessert every night and that if I wanted something sweet & he didn't then that was fine. Eventually we had children and the first one has food allergies, that was another big adjustment, it's one thing to eat a "forbidden food" in front of an adult but it is very hard to enjoy it in front of a child who can't have it. It actually took me about 8 years to be able to enjoy eating something that my son couldn't have (I always make him something special when he can't have what the rest of us are having). And then my second child was diagnosed T1, another adjustment because I actually got educated about diabetes & hubby got re-educated to the ways things are done now, that was a major adjustment because hubby had to change some bad habits in order to set a good example for the kid. It's now 4 years since our child was diagnosed and we have gone through some rough times but my point is that relationships will change when situations change but with work & time any good relationship can get through what ever is dealt to us. Learn all you can (especially the best times to test) and take things one day at a time. Heather http://www.execulink.com/~craig/diabetictag.html http://www.execulink.com/~craig/pouches.htm "Trinity" <trinitytype2spambegone~nowherehere.net wrote in message news:112Ib.3640$Vl6.947419~news20.bellglobal.com... I was dxed in Oct 2003. It's been over 2 months. I'm still trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do. Yes, I know find foods that don't spike my bg, eat lower carb foods, or foods with a low GI. I still don't get it with the low carb vs. low GI. It's been hard for me, but I think harder for my spouse. Ever since I've been dxed, we have had arguments probably every week or every other week. My spouse feels guilty that when we go to restaurants that we go to every week (some have a smaller variety of dishes to choose from since dxed), that I hardly eat. i.e. vietnamese pho noodle soup. Since it's rice noodles, I will eat a little, but I won't eat all the noodles now, and it seems like I'm not eating enough. Or now at home, my spouse doesn't want to cook for fear of being responsible for my bg reading. I tested my spouse the other day, after drinking a sweet fruit drink: 4.7. Our relationship has changed, and I don't know what to say. I see the dietician in January, and I tell my spouse to maybe wait until then, so that hopefully I'll have a better idea of what to be looking for in foods. It's been hard enough having an egg allergy and living with avoiding foods with eggs, and having my spouse adapt to that, but I think diabetes is really taking a toll. Also, I think that my spouse is afraid if I end up in the hospital, or if I can't take care of myself. I can't promise that I won't end up in the hospital, I don't even know that with adequate bg control that problems still won't pop up???? Just this weekend, my spouse developed a cold. Well I also started sneezing and feeling muscle aches. That produced a fight, b/c my spouse is afraid and feels responsible for giving me the cold. Also, in the beginning, my spouse felt like "I" was glad that I got diabetes, that now I have something to "focus" on. And even with the cold, my spouse feels like I wanted to have a cold to, so that I would stay in the spot light. I know, this probably sounds pretty petty to you all, but I honestly don't know what to say or do??? This diabetes has come between us, but I know eventually we'll find some common ground. I'm cooking a mixture of white and brown rice (basically to use it up) for my spouse (I'll even eat a tiny bit). Since I haven't had all the carbs, and I've done the cooking, I've left my spouse "starving". So that's why I'm cooking rice. Just rambling, but need to get this out. Trinity
Answers:
Trinity <trinitytype2spambegone~nowherehere.net wrote in message news:<112Ib.3640$Vl6.947419~news20.bellglobal.com... I was dxed in Oct 2003. It's been over 2 months. I'm still trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do. Yes, I know find foods that don't spike my bg, eat lower carb foods, or foods with a low GI. I still don't get it with the low carb vs. low GI. Best advice on this is go low carb. If a food is low GI, even though it might be high in carbs it isn't supposed to have as much impact on BG. I've pretty much found this to be crap. Best advice is from Jennifer. Eat it and test to see how it affects YOU. Low carb truly shouldn't affect your BG much. As I said, low GI is a crapshoot. It's been hard for me, but I think harder for my spouse. He's probably afraid you're going to die. My spouse kept pushing high carb or sweet foods on me because he didn't want to believe there was a problem. Once in a while, I'd take a tiny bite to make him happy, and he finally settled down. Ever since I've been dxed, we have had arguments probably every week or every other week. My spouse feels guilty that when we go to restaurants that we go to every week (some have a smaller variety of dishes to choose from since dxed), that I hardly eat. i.e. vietnamese pho noodle soup. Since it's rice noodles, I will eat a little, but I won't eat all the noodles now, and it seems like I'm not eating enough. Been along time since I had Vietnamese, but I remember I loved it. Just like with Chinese, stay away from the starches (rice, noodles). Eat vegies, shrimp, ask for sauce on the side, or scrape off as much as you can. It's doable. Or now at home, my spouse doesn't want to cook for fear of being responsible for my bg reading. I tested my spouse the other day, after drinking a sweet fruit drink: 4.7. Let him cook and keep low carb sides for you on hand. OK, cottage cheese or green beans may not be exotic, but you can eat them. Let him eat what he wishes. Our relationship has changed, and I don't know what to say. I see the dietician in January, and I tell my spouse to maybe wait until then, so that hopefully I'll have a better idea of what to be looking for in foods. It's been hard enough having an egg allergy and living with avoiding foods with eggs, and having my spouse adapt to that, but I think diabetes is really taking a toll. Having an egg allergy makes it tougher. But he should eat what he wants. I eat eggs alot. But my main staple is shrimp. Thaw and serve or thaw and heat is your fave low carb sauce. BTW, I snack on nuts and cheese. Also, I think that my spouse is afraid if I end up in the hospital, or if I can't take care of myself. I can't promise that I won't end up in the hospital, I don't even know that with adequate bg control that problems still won't pop up???? Sure he's afraid of that, but not necessarily that you'll be a burden but that he'll be inadequate. Just this weekend, my spouse developed a cold. Well I also started sneezing and feeling muscle aches. That produced a fight, b/c my spouse is afraid and feels responsible for giving me the cold. Honey, I don't know your hubby, but mine is totally unreasonable when he's sick, while I, of course, am the voice of reason (LOL). Also, in the beginning, my spouse felt like "I" was glad that I got diabetes, that now I have something to "focus" on. And even with the cold, my spouse feels like I wanted to have a cold to, so that I would stay in the spot light. OK, focus is not a bad thing. Right now, you're probably almost obsessed by this overwhelming new aspect to your life, and he may be too. Time should solve this one as all these new things get incorporated into your day-to-day life. No one wants a cold. But sometimes people do want some extra love and consideration (sounds like maybe both of you need this right now). I know, this probably sounds pretty petty to you all, but I honestly don't know what to say or do??? Not petty at all. Our relationships are extremely important to us all. This diabetes has come between us, but I know eventually we'll find some common ground. I'm cooking a mixture of white and brown rice (basically to use it up) for my spouse (I'll even eat a tiny bit). Since I haven't had all the carbs, and I've done the cooking, I've left my spouse "starving". So that's why I'm cooking rice. I cook rice or pasta or potatoes almost every night for my spouse and then I just don't eat it. It try to fix low carb vegies most of the time, but not always. I supplement my meal with low carb sides that I fix for myself. No reason we both have to eat exactly the same thing every night! Just rambling, but need to get this out. Not rambling, stressing! This will all work out. A friend at work was recently diagnosed and is having the same problems. Time is your friend. Eat a bite of his carby stuff now and then to satisfy your desire and his confusion and the rest of the time eat what's good for you. Think of this as an allergy to carbs. You handle the egg allergy, you can handle this too! Best, Mary Sue Trinity
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Thanks for your story Charlie! I know I'm not alone and this is just a new thing that our relationship has to figure out together. Sounds like you also came a long way!!! :) Trinity Charlie Owens wrote: Maybe you will feel better after hearing my story and I just turned 64, I travel, eat out, go on cruises and life is good now. After getting down to 120 lbs in 1971 I went on "sick call" at Andrews AFB,MD They diagnosed me with T-1 diabetes that day. I had never heard of diabetes or knew anyone that had it. They put me in the hospital and I had a severe hypo the first night. After a long fight about whether to take severance pay or the minimum retirement after almost 13 years service. I had just made E-6. Since the Air Force was going to get a big pay raise Jan 1, 1972 they decided to retire me on Dec 21. I started back to SC where I had been stationed with a wife and two small kids in a station wagon. They didn't have meters back then just told you not to eat anything with sugar in it. I forgot to mention that my wife had to have a back operation while were stationed there 1-1/2 years. (I was diagnosed in July) In the Johnny Cash song, life is tough for a boy named Sue. The same logic applies to diabetes but you will make it, I have confidence in you! This newsgroup is a great place for good advice and the young people are better at speaking your language. We have had our share of arguments, but she just brought me a rum and diet so we apparently got over them ! Charlie in SC "Trinity" <trinitytype2spambegone~nowherehere.net wrote in message news:112Ib.3640$Vl6.947419~news20.bellglobal.com... I was dxed in Oct 2003. It's been over 2 months. I'm still trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do. Yes, I know find foods that don't spike my bg, eat lower carb foods, or foods with a low GI. I still don't get it with the low carb vs. low GI. It's been hard for me, but I think harder for my spouse. Ever since I've been dxed, we have had arguments probably every week or every other week. My spouse feels guilty that when we go to restaurants that we go to every week (some have a smaller variety of dishes to choose from since dxed), that I hardly eat. i.e. vietnamese pho noodle soup. Since it's rice noodles, I will eat a little, but I won't eat all the noodles now, and it seems like I'm not eating enough. Or now at home, my spouse doesn't want to cook for fear of being responsible for my bg reading. I tested my spouse the other day, after drinking a sweet fruit drink: 4.7. Our relationship has changed, and I don't know what to say. I see the dietician in January, and I tell my spouse to maybe wait until then, so that hopefully I'll have a better idea of what to be looking for in foods. It's been hard enough having an egg allergy and living with avoiding foods with eggs, and having my spouse adapt to that, but I think diabetes is really taking a toll. Also, I think that my spouse is afraid if I end up in the hospital, or if I can't take care of myself. I can't promise that I won't end up in the hospital, I don't even know that with adequate bg control that problems still won't pop up???? Just this weekend, my spouse developed a cold. Well I also started sneezing and feeling muscle aches. That produced a fight, b/c my spouse is afraid and feels responsible for giving me the cold. Also, in the beginning, my spouse felt like "I" was glad that I got diabetes, that now I have something to "focus" on. And even with the cold, my spouse feels like I wanted to have a cold to, so that I would stay in the spot light. I know, this probably sounds pretty petty to you all, but I honestly don't know what to say or do??? This diabetes has come between us, but I know eventually we'll find some common ground. I'm cooking a mixture of white and brown rice (basically to use it up) for my spouse (I'll even eat a tiny bit). Since I haven't had all the carbs, and I've done the cooking, I've left my spouse "starving". So that's why I'm cooking rice. Just rambling, but need to get this out. Trinity
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Thanks T2_lurking, Glad to finally meet someone who also cannot eat eggs!!! Makes our food choices quite the challenge eh? I'm not sure what the biggest fear is. I'm sure the more we talk ..... or fight the more I'll find out. Trinity t2_lurking wrote: I'm allergic to eggs also (albumen) and my wife is a celiac. French Toast All Around! hee-hee. Sorry. I'm sorry to hear about this, it always seems to me that some guys can't wrap their heads around something they can't fix, or something that is "lifetime". However I would like to mention that it is still "early days". Heck I was dxed in June and I still feel that it was just yesterday. I don't think my wife and I are done talking about it. But we have talked about the fact that it's possible, no IT IS a reality that without this dx I'd be dead sooner. Maybe you could get him to visit us sometime. Or ask him what his biggest fear really is, post it and see what answers pop up. I'll be happy to tell him that you'll probably live longer under control. See, just like a guy, always with the solution.
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RK wrote: Trinity, I can't say I understand what you are going through but I do know i've had my fair share of fights with my hubby being diabetic as well. Many of mine were because I was high, when I get too high I become very .. um shall we say argumenative and mean? :-) Me too, well actually before dx, I had hypoglycemia, so whenever I didn't eat enough, I became very moody. Before I was diagnosed for the 3months prior - we faught almost every day. to the point of throwing objects at each other, yes, I instigated alot of it. I would fly off the handle if the TV program wasn't loud enough or he turned to the wrong channel. today.. we don't have these problems, it took time, alot longer then 2months.. that's for darn sure, about the last 6 months or so it's back good again. relationships take a beating.. but if you love someone they'll travel the hurdle with you. Well we've been together for a while now, so you're right.... we'll get through this. :) we go out to eat.. my hubby knows it's my responsibility to eat what i can. he will ask me, "wanna go here? can you eat whats on their menu?" if i say , no then we don't go.. we pick someplace else. he cooks dinner.. he'll ask me if i can have whatever... if no, he makes me what i can have. it's a give and take... I know it's hard and you get swollowed up in talking about it because it's something you need to get out of your system. but yack here, bitch here, do whatever here.. try to refrain from talking about it at home for a bit. LOL then when he asks why you aren't talking about it.. simply tell him.. "well it's not center of my life". That's a good one!!! Thanks, Trinity
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Pete wrote: On Mon, 29 Dec 2003 17:37:34 -0500, Trinity <trinitytype2spambegone~nowherehere.net wrote: I was dxed in Oct 2003. It's been over 2 months. I'm still trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do. Yes, I know find foods that don't spike my bg, eat lower carb foods, or foods with a low GI. I still don't get it with the low carb vs. low GI. Cannot offer help there, its taken me nearly all year just to get a handle on the carb issues. You might try following one path for a while to see what 'best result' you can get then adjust or change tack later when you have gained a better understanding. When I eat something and it spikes my numbers, I panic. The biggest thing lately was we bought a huge bag of brown rice, since I was told no more white rice, but the brown rice spikes my numbers as well, so that has been the sore spot for both of us. Yes it just a big bag of rice...... yes my spouse and well the dogs get to "finish" the brown rice for me. And maybe I'll find that special "amount" so that I can have brown rice too. :} It's been hard for me, but I think harder for my spouse. Ever since I've been dxed, we have had arguments probably every week or every other week. My spouse feels guilty that when we go to restaurants that we go to every week (some have a smaller variety of dishes to choose from since dxed), that I hardly eat. i.e. vietnamese pho noodle soup. Since it's rice noodles, I will eat a little, but I won't eat all the noodles now, and it seems like I'm not eating enough. Don't go to a restraunt that either only serves food which you want to avoid without alternatives or which, does not offer 'custom' alternatives. I went to an Italian Restraunt last night and though it took me longer to order, I got a decent diabetic type meal out of it. And it was cheaper!!! They were very helpfull indeed and even made up a 'special salad bowl' for me. Yes, I've done just that: ordered a mango shake without the sugar and condensed milk. Funny look at first, but I guess they are getting used to it. Just like ordering food with no eggs!! Or now at home, my spouse doesn't want to cook for fear of being responsible for my bg reading. I tested my spouse the other day, after drinking a sweet fruit drink: 4.7. My wife used to get very frustrated with meals but that was only because she was running out of ideas. No problem now. Our relationship has changed, and I don't know what to say. I see the dietician in January, and I tell my spouse to maybe wait until then, so that hopefully I'll have a better idea of what to be looking for in foods. It's been hard enough having an egg allergy and living with avoiding foods with eggs, and having my spouse adapt to that, but I think diabetes is really taking a toll. The whole diabetes thing can be a strain on both of you especially in the begining when your knowledge base [both of you] is still fairly sparse. With knowlege and a better understanding comes a slightly more chilled attitude. Also, I think that my spouse is afraid if I end up in the hospital, or if I can't take care of myself. I can't promise that I won't end up in the hospital, I don't even know that with adequate bg control that problems still won't pop up???? Just this weekend, my spouse developed a cold. Well I also started sneezing and feeling muscle aches. That produced a fight, b/c my spouse is afraid and feels responsible for giving me the cold. Fear is the root of many problems - unspoken fears for your relationship and health. All these worries play on your mind in those private times when you keep your own council. Again, knowledge and sharing will help dispel these fears. Also, in the beginning, my spouse felt like "I" was glad that I got diabetes, that now I have something to "focus" on. And even with the cold, my spouse feels like I wanted to have a cold to, so that I would stay in the spot light. I think there is an issue of misinterpretation here. You [both] need to focus on learning how to live a slightly adjusted life and this is not easy in the begining so of course you will become preoccupied with yourself and focussed on how to deal with this. It may help you to learn that this is a common thing with all of us. I have been through pretty much the same thing. My doctor accused me of becomming 'obsessive' and slightly 'paranoid'. Well he was of course right. I was. But not now. Now I have a better understanding of myself and how I can deal with this thing. Being obsessive and paranoid helped me gain control and achieve in 9 months what others either fail to do or cannot because of lack of application. You need to be slightly obsessive IMO in order to apply the self discipline needed. But again......with time, experience and knowledge you will find the need to be so focussed not lessened but rather easier to apply as a constant back ground activity istead of being more overt about it. Knowledge and discipline. I think the fear is that my spouse's dad died of cancer, and his mom is old and he's afraid of when she will pass on. So now with me, I think it's too overwhelming. I know, this probably sounds pretty petty to you all, but I honestly don't know what to say or do??? This diabetes has come between us, but I know eventually we'll find some common ground. I'm cooking a mixture of white and brown rice (basically to use it up) for my spouse (I'll even eat a tiny bit). Since I haven't had all the carbs, and I've done the cooking, I've left my spouse "starving". So that's why I'm cooking rice. Just rambling, but need to get this out. Trinity You ramble away........we don't mind and you'd be surprised to know that many of us here know exactly what you are rambling on about because we have been through the same experience. I have. I am lucky though, my wife has not only made her mission in life to 'sort me out' [as always - she keeps me under tight control <VBG] but has also adopted a similar diet - it was easier than doing two different types of meal. I am lucky that she is a whizz in the cooking and food prep department. Now she has lost weight, and feels better than before [she suffers angina and arthritis] so together we have found a way to go on just about the same as before but healthier. To ease the load on my wife in the begining, I constructed a diet meal by meal for each day and I stuck to it. I have exactly the same thing for breakfast and lunch almost every day with the main meal in the evening which is the only one she has to worry about. But we eat a lot of veg and salads and white meat/ fish so it really isn't that taxing at all. Boring a bit perhaps but I am not food orientated so it don't bother me. I don't really care so long as I don't feel hungry - and I never have. Try not to get too depressed over this, it will pass I am sure. Thanks, I am feeling better already!! Trinity HTH Pete Diagnosed 20/03/03 Type II D&E + Metformin + Gliclazide + Asprin 210lbs at Dx to BMI 166lbs achieved. To mail: aspen at freeuk.com
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H&CC wrote: Trinity Diabetes is a family disease, it affects everyone living in the house. As a child I was raised on a high sugar diet and then I married a T1 diabetic ...... I eventually learned that I didn't need dessert every night and that if I wanted something sweet & he didn't then that was fine. Eventually we had children and the first one has food allergies, that was another big adjustment, it's one thing to eat a "forbidden food" in front of an adult but it is very hard to enjoy it in front of a child who can't have it. I think that is part of the problem, guilt of being able to eat sugar, eggs etc in front of me, even though I say it's ok. It actually took me about 8 years to be able to enjoy eating something that my son couldn't have (I always make him something special when he can't have what the rest of us are having). And then my second child was diagnosed T1, another adjustment because I actually got educated about diabetes & hubby got re-educated to the ways things are done now, that was a major adjustment because hubby had to change some bad habits in order to set a good example for the kid. It's now 4 years since our child was diagnosed and we have gone through some rough times but my point is that relationships will change when situations change but with work & time any good relationship can get through what ever is dealt to us. Learn all you can (especially the best times to test) and take things one day at a time. I'm sure once I identify more ok foods, it'll be easier for me and my spouse to come up with things. Trinity Heather http://www.execulink.com/~craig/diabetictag.html http://www.execulink.com/~craig/pouches.htm "Trinity" <trinitytype2spambegone~nowherehere.net wrote in message news:112Ib.3640$Vl6.947419~news20.bellglobal.com... I was dxed in Oct 2003. It's been over 2 months. I'm still trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do. Yes, I know find foods that don't spike my bg, eat lower carb foods, or foods with a low GI. I still don't get it with the low carb vs. low GI. It's been hard for me, but I think harder for my spouse. Ever since I've been dxed, we have had arguments probably every week or every other week. My spouse feels guilty that when we go to restaurants that we go to every week (some have a smaller variety of dishes to choose from since dxed), that I hardly eat. i.e. vietnamese pho noodle soup. Since it's rice noodles, I will eat a little, but I won't eat all the noodles now, and it seems like I'm not eating enough. Or now at home, my spouse doesn't want to cook for fear of being responsible for my bg reading. I tested my spouse the other day, after drinking a sweet fruit drink: 4.7. Our relationship has changed, and I don't know what to say. I see the dietician in January, and I tell my spouse to maybe wait until then, so that hopefully I'll have a better idea of what to be looking for in foods. It's been hard enough having an egg allergy and living with avoiding foods with eggs, and having my spouse adapt to that, but I think diabetes is really taking a toll. Also, I think that my spouse is afraid if I end up in the hospital, or if I can't take care of myself. I can't promise that I won't end up in the hospital, I don't even know that with adequate bg control that problems still won't pop up???? Just this weekend, my spouse developed a cold. Well I also started sneezing and feeling muscle aches. That produced a fight, b/c my spouse is afraid and feels responsible for giving me the cold. Also, in the beginning, my spouse felt like "I" was glad that I got diabetes, that now I have something to "focus" on. And even with the cold, my spouse feels like I wanted to have a cold to, so that I would stay in the spot light. I know, this probably sounds pretty petty to you all, but I honestly don't know what to say or do??? This diabetes has come between us, but I know eventually we'll find some common ground. I'm cooking a mixture of white and brown rice (basically to use it up) for my spouse (I'll even eat a tiny bit). Since I haven't had all the carbs, and I've done the cooking, I've left my spouse "starving". So that's why I'm cooking rice. Just rambling, but need to get this out. Trinity
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This post not CC'd by email On Mon, 29 Dec 2003 17:37:34 -0500, Trinity <trinitytype2spambegone~nowherehere.net wrote: I was dxed in Oct 2003. It's been over 2 months. I'm still trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do. Yes, I know find foods that don't spike my bg, eat lower carb foods, or foods with a low GI. I still don't get it with the low carb vs. low GI. It's been hard for me, but I think harder for my spouse. G'day G'day Trinity, On the other hand it could be fun. Could be the awakening of some primitive man woman relationship. Him Tarzan. You Jane. I'll explain in a bit so keep a firm grip on your vine. Ever since I've been dxed, we have had arguments probably every week or every other week. My spouse feels guilty that when we go to restaurants that we go to every week (some have a smaller variety of dishes to choose from since dxed), that I hardly eat. i.e. vietnamese pho noodle soup. Since it's rice noodles, I will eat a little, but I won't eat all the noodles now, and it seems like I'm not eating enough. Vietnamese is likely to be OK, diabetic food. Think about it this way, pho noodle SOUP. There is a lot of water in soup. Water has how many calories. Water has how many carbs. If ever you spike with a soup it is going to be a short spike which makes it less dangerous. If Vietnamese is like our local Thai and Laos restaurants then there is likely to plenty of prawns and other seafood. Now that has got to be ideal. Bamboo shoots are so low GI they hardly figure as sources of carbs. Or now at home, my spouse doesn't want to cook for fear of being responsible for my bg reading. Well lucky old you. There are women out there whose spouses have never let the thought of cooking cross their tiny minds. I tested my spouse the other day, after drinking a sweet fruit drink: 4.7. That's fine. Notice it was DRINK. He can drink fruit juice. You can drink water. It doesn't alter what you eat together. Our relationship has changed, and I don't know what to say. I see the dietician in January, and I tell my spouse to maybe wait until then, so that hopefully I'll have a better idea of what to be looking for in foods. It's been hard enough having an egg allergy and living with avoiding foods with eggs, and having my spouse adapt to that, but I think diabetes is really taking a toll. Quite likely. It will be hard for your spouse BUT bear this in mind ... as of the year 2000, 50% of Americans have at least one chronic illness. Put simply you are average. Also, I think that my spouse is afraid if I end up in the hospital, or if I can't take care of myself. I can't promise that I won't end up in the hospital, I don't even know that with adequate bg control that problems still won't pop up???? Quite true. No matter what you do it is still a matter of stats what the outcome will be. Requires maturity doesn't it? Just this weekend, my spouse developed a cold. Well I also started sneezing and feeling muscle aches. That produced a fight, b/c my spouse is afraid and feels responsible for giving me the cold. OK, so he is a caring soul, who cooks and ... Give the guy a hug. Basically you've got a good'n there. Also, in the beginning, my spouse felt like "I" was glad that I got diabetes, that now I have something to "focus" on. And even with the cold, my spouse feels like I wanted to have a cold to, so that I would stay in the spot light. Men can be such children when they get ill. My daughter tells me her husband sat on the couch and made pathetic groaning noises for three days with a sore throat AND he moaned louder when he thought people were listening. Tell his cold is worse than yours and you'll drive him to the A and E if he wants. You need to be convincing till you laugh. I know, this probably sounds pretty petty to you all, but I honestly don't know what to say or do??? Nah it sounds normal. People mutter "For better or worse ..." but it takes a bit of adjusting to when it happens. This diabetes has come between us, but I know eventually we'll find some common ground. Well here is my suggestion to make it simpler for you both. Think in terms of a Hunter Gatherer diet. Doesn't have to be totally primitive. If you like fish or lean meat that is the basis of a good mains. Think in terms of the palm of you hand for size. Primitive is sometimes good. Primitive is only a few steps away from passion. Fill the rest of the plate with vegetables. Throw in a bit of primitive rye bread. If you like berries and nuts that is desert. I'm cooking a mixture of white and brown rice (basically to use it up) for my spouse (I'll even eat a tiny bit). Since I haven't had all the carbs, and I've done the cooking, I've left my spouse "starving". So that's why I'm cooking rice. Just rambling, but need to get this out. No probs. If it can talked about it can solved. Trinity Best wishes for a fab New Year. My guess is you're going to be surprised at how this brings you closer together because it will be you together evolving and not just a collection of past bits pasted together. -- Quentin Grady ^ ^ / New Zealand, #,#< [ / \ /\ "... and the blind dog was leading." http://homepages.paradise.net.nz/quentin
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Mary Sue Williams <marysuewilliams~hotmail.com wrote: : Trinity <trinitytype2spambegone~nowherehere.net wrote : in message news:<112Ib.3640$Vl6.947419~news20.bellglobal.com... : I was dxed in Oct 2003. It's been over 2 months. I'm still : trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do. Yes, I know : find foods that don't spike my bg, eat lower carb foods, : or foods with a low GI. I still don't get it with the low : carb vs. low GI. : It's been hard for me, but I think harder for my spouse. : He's probably afraid you're going to die. My spouse kept : pushing high carb or sweet foods on me because he didn't : want to believe there was a problem. Once in a while, I'd : take a tiny bite to make him happy, and he finally : settled down. When I was first diagnosed I had two middle sized kids still at home. I found that we all had the same meal, just differently distributed on the plates. Say chicken, zuchini, and rice. We all had soem chicken, I had a double portion of zuchini and just a sponful of rice and they had regular amounts of zuchini and plenty of rice, which they loved. It was not wildly noticable to everyone and was easier for me to be able to prepare one meal. Tonight, with just my husband and I stil at home, we had broiled bluefish, a humongous mixed greens and tomato salad(I ate two platesful) and ice cream for dessert. He had regular ice cream and I had 1/2 C of Edy's no sugar added ice cream. : Ever since I've : been dxed, we have had arguments probably every week or : every other week. My spouse feels guilty that when we go : to restaurants that we go to every week (some have a : smaller variety of dishes to choose from since dxed), : that I hardly eat. i.e. vietnamese pho noodle soup. Since : it's rice noodles, I will eat a little, but I won't eat : all the noodles now, and it seems like I'm not eating : enough. : Been along time since I had Vietnamese, but I remember I : loved it. Just like with Chinese, stay away from the : starches (rice, noodles). Eat vegies, shrimp, ask for sauce : on the side, or scrape off as much as you can. It's doable. When we go to the Chinese restaurant, I order all the food prepared with no cornstarch and no sugar. I never order anything called "extra crispy" as that is generally breaded and twice fried! I order brown rice and just eat a little bit, sharing one bowl with my husband, who, at 82, just doesn't pack it away like he used to. You can tell if the restaurant has followed youe instructions as the sauce will be very liquid and the food not shiney. : BTW, I snack on nuts and cheese. : : Also, I think that my spouse is afraid if I end up in the : hospital, or if I can't take care of myself. I can't : promise that I won't end up in the hospital, I don't even : know that with adequate bg control that problems still : won't pop up???? As you gain control and it becomes a way of life for you and your spouse, the fears of both of you will lessen. Right now there is so much going on inside both of you what with the new fears and the not yet stabilized diet, etc that it is hard for either of you to be calm and objective. I am sure you will work this all out as time passes and you don't explode in fromt of him:-) He will see you are the same old person you alwys were, but you both eat in a new way. My husband keeps soem candy and cookies "hidden." I know where they are, but they are out of sight, out of mind. He has them for snacks or lunch, when I am often away and it works out very well. This will all work out in time. Wendy
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On Tue, 30 Dec 2003 18:13:44 -0500, Trinity <trinitytype2spambegone~nowherehere.net wrote: Pete wrote: On Mon, 29 Dec 2003 17:37:34 -0500, Trinity <trinitytype2spambegone~nowherehere.net wrote: I was dxed in Oct 2003. It's been over 2 months. I'm still trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do. Yes, I know find foods that don't spike my bg, eat lower carb foods, or foods with a low GI. I still don't get it with the low carb vs. low GI. Cannot offer help there, its taken me nearly all year just to get a handle on the carb issues. You might try following one path for a while to see what 'best result' you can get then adjust or change tack later when you have gained a better understanding. When I eat something and it spikes my numbers, I panic. The biggest thing lately was we bought a huge bag of brown rice, since I was told no more white rice, but the brown rice spikes my numbers as well, so that has been the sore spot for both of us. Yes it just a big bag of rice...... yes my spouse and well the dogs get to "finish" the brown rice for me. And maybe I'll find that special "amount" so that I can have brown rice too. :} You may frighten yourself in the process. You must understand that all diabetics are different with differing metabolism's. Just because some can eat Brown Rice - in moderation - does not mean that all or you can. Its very much a case of experimentation. I for example, cannot eat any of the following without serious problems: Rice [every type], fruit [except berried fruit] Potatoes and Parsnips. However, I can eat: Chocolate [till it comes out of my ears] <VBG Nut's - especially Cashews and Peanut, Ice Cream. There are a host more things I cannot or can eat and I know precisely how much and when. Its taken me all year and testing 5/8 times a day to do it but I have good and improving A1c's, my weight stays down and I am never hungry. It just takes time and dedication but now the pressure is off and life is near enough back to normal. It's been hard for me, but I think harder for my spouse. Ever since I've been dxed, we have had arguments probably every week or every other week. My spouse feels guilty that when we go to restaurants that we go to every week (some have a smaller variety of dishes to choose from since dxed), that I hardly eat. i.e. vietnamese pho noodle soup. Since it's rice noodles, I will eat a little, but I won't eat all the noodles now, and it seems like I'm not eating enough. Don't go to a restraunt that either only serves food which you want to avoid without alternatives or which, does not offer 'custom' alternatives. I went to an Italian Restraunt last night and though it took me longer to order, I got a decent diabetic type meal out of it. And it was cheaper!!! They were very helpfull indeed and even made up a 'special salad bowl' for me. Yes, I've done just that: ordered a mango shake without the sugar and condensed milk. Funny look at first, but I guess they are getting used to it. Just like ordering food with no eggs!! I have found that so long as you know precisely what you want and you go to a half decent place then they usually are willing to accommodate you. Its all about how you communicate. Often, some will have no knowledge at all and are a little scared of seeming either stupid or making a mistake which will harm. It's easily overcome. With thought. Or now at home, my spouse doesn't want to cook for fear of being responsible for my bg reading. I tested my spouse the other day, after drinking a sweet fruit drink: 4.7. My wife used to get very frustrated with meals but that was only because she was running out of ideas. No problem now. Our relationship has changed, and I don't know what to say. I see the dietician in January, and I tell my spouse to maybe wait until then, so that hopefully I'll have a better idea of what to be looking for in foods. It's been hard enough having an egg allergy and living with avoiding foods with eggs, and having my spouse adapt to that, but I think diabetes is really taking a toll. The whole diabetes thing can be a strain on both of you especially in the begining when your knowledge base [both of you] is still fairly sparse. With knowlege and a better understanding comes a slightly more chilled attitude. Also, I think that my spouse is afraid if I end up in the hospital, or if I can't take care of myself. I can't promise that I won't end up in the hospital, I don't even know that with adequate bg control that problems still won't pop up???? Just this weekend, my spouse developed a cold. Well I also started sneezing and feeling muscle aches. That produced a fight, b/c my spouse is afraid and feels responsible for giving me the cold. Fear is the root of many problems - unspoken fears for your relationship and health. All these worries play on your mind in those private times when you keep your own council. Again, knowledge and sharing will help dispel these fears. Also, in the beginning, my spouse felt like "I" was glad that I got diabetes, that now I have something to "focus" on. And even with the cold, my spouse feels like I wanted to have a cold to, so that I would stay in the spot light. I think there is an issue of misinterpretation here. You [both] need to focus on learning how to live a slightly adjusted life and this is not easy in the begining so of course you will become preoccupied with yourself and focussed on how to deal with this. It may help you to learn that this is a common thing with all of us. I have been through pretty much the same thing. My doctor accused me of becomming 'obsessive' and slightly 'paranoid'. Well he was of course right. I was. But not now. Now I have a better understanding of myself and how I can deal with this thing. Being obsessive and paranoid helped me gain control and achieve in 9 months what others either fail to do or cannot because of lack of application. You need to be slightly obsessive IMO in order to apply the self discipline needed. But again......with time, experience and knowledge you will find the need to be so focussed not lessened but rather easier to apply as a constant back ground activity istead of being more overt about it. Knowledge and discipline. I think the fear is that my spouse's dad died of cancer, and his mom is old and he's afraid of when she will pass on. So now with me, I think it's too overwhelming. You might be right. There is a lot to occupy one mind there. It might make it a lot easier if you try to make an effort to reassure him that you are unlikely to be a problem. If you exude confidence in managing your self well then that will take some of the worry away. Knowledge bring confidence. I know, this probably sounds pretty petty to you all, but I honestly don't know what to say or do??? This diabetes has come between us, but I know eventually we'll find some common ground. I'm cooking a mixture of white and brown rice (basically to use it up) for my spouse (I'll even eat a tiny bit). Since I haven't had all the carbs, and I've done the cooking, I've left my spouse "starving". So that's why I'm cooking rice. Just rambling, but need to get this out. Trinity You ramble away........we don't mind and you'd be surprised to know that many of us here know exactly what you are rambling on about because we have been through the same experience. I have. I am lucky though, my wife has not only made her mission in life to 'sort me out' [as always - she keeps me under tight control <VBG] but has also adopted a similar diet - it was easier than doing two different types of meal. I am lucky that she is a whizz in the cooking and food prep department. Now she has lost weight, and feels better than before [she suffers angina and arthritis] so together we have found a way to go on just about the same as before but healthier. To ease the load on my wife in the begining, I constructed a diet meal by meal for each day and I stuck to it. I have exactly the same thing for breakfast and lunch almost every day with the main meal in the evening which is the only one she has to worry about. But we eat a lot of veg and salads and white meat/ fish so it really isn't that taxing at all. Boring a bit perhaps but I am not food orientated so it don't bother me. I don't really care so long as I don't feel hungry - and I never have. Try not to get too depressed over this, it will pass I am sure. Thanks, I am feeling better already!! Trinity HTH Pete Diagnosed 20/03/03 Type II D&E + Metformin + Gliclazide + Asprin 210lbs at Dx to BMI 166lbs achieved. To mail: aspen at freeuk.com