Question:
A friend of mine who knows I am having a hard time of things, knows I don¡¯t talk about my problems, knows I have a lot of issues, and knows I wont open up, suggested I join d-life and to write how I exactly felt, where no one knows me and I can be honest and truthful. So I joined about two months ago, but have never finished the task at hand. When I asked them what I could get them for a Christmas present, they said all the wanted was the assurance from me that I actually posted on d-life. TRAPPED! I said that I really didn¡¯t want to because I¡¯ll just sound like a cry baby. They assured me for my own mental health I really needed to do this. I really needed to get it out. And I had to promise it would be no holding back. Its taken me a bit of time but well here goes.

There is no history of diabetes in my family. I am the only one. I¡¯m type 2 and diagnosed in my late thirties. First year was the diet attempt. That didn¡¯t go over so well so then the second year was pills. The pilla helped some so the doctors wanting better results increased the doses. And my health and well being went straight down hill. Yours truly is allergic to ALL diabetic pill medications, next up the insulin game. Lantus and Novalog are your soup de¡¯jour. When I was told I would have to go on the needle, I cried a lot. All those threats of if you don¡¯t behave you will have to go on the needle came true. Now while I was probably not the most faithful in my efforts pre-needle, I was good. I felt like a failure. It¡¯s bad enough I gotta stick my self with those darn ¡°virtually pain free¡± Lansets. Now I gotta give myself shots 3 to 5 times a day. By the way, those people who tell you that its virtually pain free I want to meet them. And tell them I¡¯m gonna kick them in the shin and not to worry about it because it will be as virtually pain free as the lancets are! But I digress,

I hate testing! I hate shooting up! I hate this darn disease. I don¡¯t want it, I didn¡¯t ask for it and I hate it. I¡¯m so sick and tired of people saying well that¡¯s life so suck it up and deal with it. To people like that I want to say go to heck. You are not the one always being reminded every day that you have a problem. You are not the person that is experiencing pain every day and feeling like a darn pin cushion.

Then there are those absolutely wonderful do gooders! You know the ones who always remind you of what you can and can not eat. I¡¯m sitting at my desk at work one day and I have these three yummy sugar free peanut butter cookies for snack in the afternoon. Now I figure hey I¡¯m doing good they are sugar free. And then along comes a do gooder who says Hey you shouldn¡¯t be eating those. You are a diabetic, and cookies are not good for you. Gee don¡¯t you just love that! Needless to say even after I explained that they were sugarless and they were ok for me to eat, I know longer has that excitement about those cookies. As a matter of fact I ended up not even eating them.

Or there was Christmas day when I was planning on having my one cheat. Was good all day and new if I took a little bit more insulin I could have my one favorite cheat a small piece of cheesecake. After the third person asked me if I should be eating that, I went into my bedroom and shut the door so I could eat it in peace.

I¡¯ve been told I have a lot of pent up anger about being a diabetic. That I just want to pretend the disease is not there. That I am in denial of it. Well I am ANGRY. Very ANGRY. This sucks. I feel like a marked man. Like some one has put a big letter D on my forehead and everyone look out here he comes, hide the candy, tell him to lose weight, bring out the tomatoes and cucumbers.

Then don¡¯t you just love the do gooder¡¯s who tell you what you should and shouldn¡¯t drink or eat, yet when you go to visit them all there is for you to drink is water. So while everyone is sitting around enjoying a glass of soda, you get water! Or they serve desert and its pie or cake and they say oh sorry we forgot you can¡¯t have this, but we don¡¯t have anything you can have. To them I want to say give me the darn pie and shut the heck up.

Oh he doesn¡¯t want to take his insulin he doesn¡¯t care about himself. Well maybe it¡¯s the fact I am not ready to take my insulin right yet, because I don¡¯t want to feel the pain and I¡¯m trying to psych myself up. SO WHAT!

Well then of course there¡¯s the lovely side affects of being a diabetic like getting sick easier and longer. So I try to avoid people who have colds. I try to post pone family visits if I know they are sick. And then there¡¯s the hurt feelings of oh he is just over reacting he can visit but he¡¯s to thick headed.

Then there are all the other wonderful bodily side effects that you get to experience, like naropathy, bad blood circulation, going to emergency rooms and drs asking if you do illegal drugs because you are full of needle holes. Or fears that if you get a wound in your foot because someone broke a glass and didn¡¯t clean it up, you could loose you foot.

Then there is that Joy and wonderful thing you get to look forward to every three months. You get to get stuck by a bigger needle as they draw blood. Then two weeks later you get to go see the doctor and get yelled at for 20 minutes.

Ahhhh such a joy to be a diabetic, all these things you get to live with day in and day out. And people wonder why I have an attitude. Gosh I can¡¯t even think of a single thing that would cause that.

Yet it¡¯s funny when you ask people if they want to trade places with you, as you see them go screaming away saying no thank you. It like belonging to a fraternity called lepers are us.

Well that¡¯s part of my thought process. There is more, but for now I think I shall end. I feel I have meet my commitment to my friend and am now no longer feeling gullty because I have to post about being diabetic so my friend can now relax. See isn¡¯t that great, one of us gets to relax now because Im a darn diabetic. To bad its not the darn diabetic who gets to relax.

Now ill find my little hole and crawl back into it till the next A1C testing time.
Answers:
Oh please don't crawl back in your hole....I likes ya already!!!

Quite the post there my new found fellow diabetic & chronic complainer... ..only teasin ya...cuz I know so well from whence you come....

Do-gooders drive me nuts along with well-meaning relatives & friends...but rest assured you have come to the right place.

Lots of folks here just like yourself believe it or not..let me clue ya in...been diabetic for going on 18 years now...former Queen of Denial & they don't call me "Toes" for nuthin'.

Please stay & vent & share...we need people just like you here & I think we can help you too. Welcome
Answers:
I like your style. What you say is some of the same things that alot of us go through...but you know what, I for one would gladly wear a t-shirt saying: "I AM A DIABETIC" Why? For too many years that I can count, I have been Obese, finding out I was diabetic finally woke me up and made me do something about my health. I now have more fun exercising and just getting out more.

Hang in there, we are all in the same life raft.

Les
Answers:
Hey, come back. I like you, too. You said a lot of things most of us only hint at! Boy can we relate.

We like to call the folks that are 'do gooders' diabetic police! And, YES we all can't stand them. (or at least their attitude)

I get it at work. I had a really bad day, and I had a piece of chocolate. I skipped another carb at lunch so I could fit it in. I really needed the piece. Boy did I get an earfull. So, I gave it back! I was angry at them, and since I was already in a bad mood from having to deal with some kids that were misbehaving earlier; I let them have it. I told them that when I ate a potato or rice, no one said anything. That it had MORE carbs than that little piece of chocolate. I told them that it wasn't what I ate so much as how much I ate, and how much I had of it. I gave them a little education that day. Needless to say, I don't get the comments. Sometimes the looks, but not so much anymore.

When I was in a good mood, I shared my sugar-free cookies (Murray Fudge dipped Mint ones). They now know that sugar-free can look and taste good.

I also can relate to family members that are not very helpful, or kind about it. I have a sister in-law, who get this-is a NURSE, and still can't seem to get the fact that I have to watch what I eat. She finally is getting the fact that it helps to know what she is serving so I can adjust, and to know what time the meal is going to be served...but, her answer to food I can have is to ask me to make and bring it! (My other sister in-law actually asked me to COOK for an entire week while I was visiting her, since she was 'afraid' she wouldn't make it right). So, yeah, we know how that is.....

And, as far as needles and sticking goes. I am with you. NOT PAIN FREE. And, to top it off, before this, I had a needle phobia. So, not exactly my fun point of the day. I do find that Bath and Body Lotion (any scent) helps make the rough patches on my fingers feel better, and warm water when I wash makes it a LITTLE easier for the pin prick. But, it is NOT pain free, or fun.

WE KNOW HOW IT IS. We are right there in the trenches, and we will NOT say buck up. We will say. VENT, SCREAM, YELL at us. We will listen. We care, we understand. Be angry. You have EVERY right to be. This sucks.

I will say that one thing that makes things better for me are the compassionate folks here at here. I hope you come back, and often. They are a great group of folks. And we would love to count you in our ranks.
Answers:
Welcome! I can relate to the being p#$#!! off; I too am the only one in my family with this problem; had to pass up a delicious looking pomegranate margarita just last night at a family function... we just don't talk about it. This forum is so helpful. It really helps me to not feel alone in all of this and to ask questions. I hope you will continue to visit and post!!
Answers:
No, don't crawl back. We have all been there and done that and also heard that. And I still get madder than h+++ sometimes. For the well meaning people who police me they are now getting a lesson on being diabetic. Have you notice how fast some people's eyes glaze over?

But to be fair I was very ignorant about Diabetes too. I was dx. Type 2 in May and boy did I get a crash course. I finally found here and all the caring, knowledgeable people here have helped me. They have taught me, supported me, and listen to me vent a few times, but they have always been there. So please let us help you and don't crawl back in your hole. We Care!
Answers:
Diabetes sux, no doubt about that. Do-gooders suck too. My family is full of some serious religious people that tell me, every time I talk to them, that prayer will cure me and make all of this go away. I'm not on the needle but I know the fear of it. I'm taking as good of care of my diet and exercise but the only thing that I live for is my cheats. I pick a day a week that I get to forget about diabetes and just eat what I like. Mind you I still don't eat much of it but I do cheat. Ranting and raving about it all in here is some of the best medicine that anybody could ask for. I have a few posts in here that I ranted. I didn't ask for this crap but then neither did any of us. I got my diabetes from meds for other problems that I have that my dr didn't tell me it might be a side effect. As for being angry, go for it. If life throws you lemons, squirt them in its eyes and to h*** with the lemonade. Fight as hard as you can to get yourself under control and don't let the idiot do-gooders get you too down. Most of them really do mean well, they're just not educated enough to give any real help. Come back here as often as you can and never feel selfconscious about anything you say here because we're all in this boat together. We're here for ya. Shane
Answers:
yes, it does suck big time having diabetes!

I test 7+ times a day
Inject 5+ times a day
take meds

I look at it this way, although it is a pain now and no more blissfull ignorance in the food and exercise department, I am doing what I need to for me to have a relatively healthy rest of my life.

I do not want to go blind, have a damaged heart, loose limbs, suffer sevear neuropathy, damage or loose my kidneys.

With all the nasty things looming over us diabetics I think I will just take my lumps and try for better health.

I have down days where I do not want to be good too, we all do!
Answers:
Hopefully you feel a little better after getting that off your chest, I think every one of us has felt that way or are feeling that way. It is also very healthy for you mentally to find a way and place to explode your feelings among people who fully understand.

It is overwhelming, at times, to deal with this diabetes, but you 'will' come to grips with it and it will be easier to deal with.

As for, let us say, well intentioned people we deal with on a daily basis, they also ,with time, will slack off, with the hen pecking. When you become less angry and more confident with how you deal with this, they will pick up on it and will back off. Also you will become more tolerant of 'the well intentioned people and the regular day to day 'ass hol**'

Just hang in there, and vent in here.




















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Answers:
"Been there done that!" Sometimes all you want to hear is, "I'm sorry." "What can I do to help?" That would be nice to hear from friends and family, wouldn't it?

Glad to meet you and understand how you are feeling.

Have been just diagnosed a few months ago. Along with so many health problems and life of deprevation it is really hitting me hard. Messing with my mind, and feeling hopeless waaaay to much.

How about we pick each other up, dust each other off and start this thing called life all over again?

I'll never judge you, but will be here to listen and support you.

Later!